I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
