so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
