It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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