i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
