Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
