PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
