i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
