i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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