Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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