everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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