She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
