yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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