"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i now understand why vodka
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
