I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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