we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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