fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
