Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
