If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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