Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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