I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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