Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
