And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
