my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
