Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
