A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
