and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
