HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
