Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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