I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
