he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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