I can tuck mytits in my pants
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
