Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
