Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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