His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So much rum. So many feels.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
