I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
