D3 body, D1 cock
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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