As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
