He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I had to cum in my sink.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
