Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
