Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
