I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
