the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
