you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
