is your mom at the bar?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
