there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
