On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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