The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
