He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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