I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
