Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
