dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
