My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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