How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
