is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
