I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
