Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
