Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
