omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My ass is underappreciated
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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