I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
