I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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