hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
