wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
