cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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