got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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