Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
