ugly people sure do ruin things
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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