i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
