I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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