I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
